Don't Tease Me, Bro!

The State Of Today's Movie Trailers

I had an epiphany about the way our nerd culture works these days ... We are similar to kids who love to rummage through their parents closets before Christmas to find presents.

With just a week to go until my midnight release of "The Dark Knight Rises," I find myself in a conflict of the ages: The never-ending fight against the nefarious spoiler. Typically, summer blockbusters are the cash cows of the movie industry, but it's getting to a point where movie marketing is batardizing the work of a film. Allow me to explain beginning with this video....



That was the trailer to the Liam Neeson 'Taken' meets 'Call of the Wild' film, "The Grey." By the way it's marketed, Liam Neeson is going to go CIA on those mother-flipping wolves to defend his fellow plane-crash comrades who are caught in the same terrible elements that he is. Now, fast-forward two hours later after watching the film, and you'll immediately start to yell at the screen during the credits, "Where's my frickin Wolf-Punching?!?!"

These tools only have a 5 second use to them

If you haven't watched "The Grey," and don't mind me spoiling a few things (this movie came out months ago, seriously, get on it) -- you'll notice a very different film than what was marketed to you, and that's not a knock on the film. After my initial uproar over what had just happened, I settled down for about 10 minutes, and reflected on the film itself, rather than the marketed garbage that was put on TV and the Internet. Sure, I found a movie that was about a group of plane-crash survivors trying to avoid being turned into wolf-shit on the Alaskan mountains, but if you dig a little deeper, you'll find a very well-acted, thematic film, that touches upon a very core fear many men face: Do you have the will to live when pitted against sure-death? Suffice to say, this film isn't an action fest featuring Liam Neeson ripping the jugulars out of the four-legged beasts, but is instead about how a man at the end of his rope copes with the realization that he wants to live. It's a fantastic film on its own merit, but many people scolded it because of the marketing...and this is what really got me thinking.

I started to analyze the way film's are marketed to us. In the case of "The Grey," audiences were duped into thinking they were going to watch a feral slugfest between Neeson and CGI wolves. WRONG! Many people left the film unhappy, when it was (in my opinion) a very powerful film dealing with the way men deal with their mortality. The point is, Hollywood falsely marketed the film from what it really was. You can't deny it. They show Neeson running up to the wolf, with his cracked mini-vodka bottles taped to his hand like he's a 6'5" Wolverine, and you're expecting to see an epic battle. But it was not to be. And that's not a fault of the film, but rather, the marketing. It led you to believe this was an action set-piece just so they could get your ass into the movie-theater. I understand the need to fill the lines at the box office, but there needs to be a sense of trust between movie-goers and Hollywood. I had the same reaction so many other people had to the film: pissed off that I didn't get my wolf-punching ... but since I'm the type of person who loves to reflect on film I just watched, I was able to come away with the bigger picture and ended up enjoying it. I can't tell you how many people I know who will simply brush off a movie because their initial reaction was simply "it sucked."

Hollywood insists on ruining what will surely be a surprise performance by Tom Hardy as Bane

This leads me to my next point. Hollywood marketing is becoming way too invasive and revealing. Gone are the days where you would watch the trailer, get a taste for what's to come, and wait until the film is released. Instead, we now have four 2-minute trailers, five TV Spots, a full 13-minute behind the scenes featurette, online publication 'set visits,' even entire prologue sequences being released. The only way I can personify the problem is that Hollywood is becoming that douchebag frat guy who is inviting you to the party of the century, but he bombards you with daily, unnecessary, facebook updates.

Wanna know how I got these scars? Watching too many trailers

Going back to my battle now with "The Dark Knight Rises." Ask anyone and they will attest to you how flippin' excited I am about this movie. The Chris Nolan Batman reboot has been astonishing for the past 7 years, and I'll be sad to see it all end on July 20th. However, I ran into a pitfall in my excitement for Nolan's 2nd Bat-outing, "The Dark Knight." There was similar hype to that film, and with it, came the endless churning of new trailers, clips, featurettes, and hell, even the release of an entire 5-minute prologue sequence that featured a tense bank-robbery sequence (which clearly pays homage to Al Pacino's "Heat") revealing Heath Ledger as the Joker. I naively watched all of these things before the film. Unfortunately, I feel it had a negative effect on my movie-watching experience because I don't think I enjoyed "The Dark Knight" as much as I could have....

That's not to say I didn't love the movie. The point is, being inundated with clips, trailers, previews, featurettes, TV Spots, and so on and so forth allows your audience to piece together the major story beats of your film. Here's what I mean (using Dark Knight as an example). Almost everyone watched the Bank-heist prologue...great stuff. Then, watching the trailers, you can start to see the semblance of plot points. Joker says stuff like "Evening Commissioner" so you know Gordon becomes Commissioner somehow. Worse yet, they spoiled his iconic line of "Why So Serious?" Then, if you're someone like me, you start reading the online articles interviewing cast and crew of the film, and they start to talk about the direction, their stunts, and so forth. By the time you get to the TV Spots, you've pretty much got a good chunk of the movie ruined for you. Not to mention as you're in the process of watching your film, you'll have that moment where you say "Oh wait, that part from the trailers hasn't come up yet."

The point of that rant is ... why spoil the fun? Just enjoy the anticipation and go along for the ride. I know that's what happened to me when I watched "Batman Begins" way back in 2005. I maybe only watched the main 3 trailers, and because of that, I was able to overlook some of the film's major shortcomings. (I'm looking at you Katie Holmes and unnecessary Batman horse-voice)

Hulk is actually whispering in Iron-Man's ear

Of course, this marketing fiasco isn't just happening with select films. I'm sure by now you've all seen "Avengers." If you re-watch the trailers, you'll notice clips that didn't even make it into the final cut of the film, or didn't play out the way they were advertised. (Look at the part with RDJ telling Cap "Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist" and it plays out differently) There's also a point in the trailers that spoils how the Hulk saves a free-falling Iron-Man, when in the movie, it was meant to play out as an emotional climax to the New York City battle. As I watched it I knew Hulk was going to save him because I saw it in the trailers.

Perhaps even a bigger crime was committed with movie trailers in recent days. I just watched the trailer to the new Judge Dredd movie and while it looks interesting, it looks like they gave away a major plot point with the possible killing of the film's alleged central-villain. See below for yourself...



Hollywood needs to stop harassing audiences to watch their movies. Advertisement is necessary, but you don't want to over-saturate us with your product to the point we're sick of it. Also, can we PLEASE stop revealing major plot points and action set pieces. If we can't come to a compromise, then I'll need to continue adopting my simple method of preparing for a film. Watch the film's official teaser trailer ... and THAT'S IT! Avoid online articles, turn your head when you see a TV spot, and flip the bird to any online trolls who want to spoil the film to you, which may or may not include clips of the film.

You just got trolled America

Surprises are not always bad. Many can be good, just look at the Batman Begins reveal of the real Ra's Al Ghul. It was a sucker punch for the ages, and no one was the wiser, and damn it if anyone is going to ruin Dark Knight Rises for me...

Welcome Back, Resident Evil

I Can Hear The Moans Again ... Zombies Are Back

Only Resident Evil can make me return to my long lost video gaming/nerd blog. Welcome back everyone. So Thursday, January 19, 2012, was undoubtedly a day to remember for Resident Evil fans. Things started off a little shaky when Sony pictures decided to release the theatrical trailer for the new film starring Milla Jovovich, Resident Evil: Retribution. Shield your eyes if you can...The trailer is below. You've been warned.



For those of you who are still puke-free, yes, they did make it crappier than before. To add insult to injury, they also included Daft Punk's brilliant score from the TRON: Legacy soundtrack, "Recognizer," to try and ride the coattails of the music's success in an attempt to get a bigger nerd-haul for the theaters. Your powers are useless against me Sony!!! Do you hear?!?!

Aside from the atrociousness that is this trailer, that's not what this blog is about. Later in the day Capcom thankfully saved me from my nerd-rage by releasing a new trailer for the next core-game of the RE franchise: Resident Evil 6. It's been nearly three years since Capcom has released a core Resident Evil game, so it's was both a very welcome, and very surprising announcement. There had been minor inklings here and there about the development of a new RE game, but with Capcom releasing Resident Evil: Revelations for the 3DS, and Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City this year, it never crossed my mind to think they were actually planning to release ANOTHER game during the year. I don't think I was ever happier to be wrong. It was also a pleasant gift to hear the release date was in fact 11/20/2012. That's right folks, barring any unforseen development delays, there will be three, VERY different RE games in one year. It's great to be a gamer.

I'll shut up now and let you take a look for yourself. Ladies and gentlenerds .... I give you ... REDEMPTION!!!



You still with me? I can wait a moment if you need to go use the bathroom to clean up .... Back? Great! Let us begin our dissection of the trailer.

First, let's set the stage here. Resident Evil 5 was the last core game of the franchise, and although it had its strengths, it was a bit of disappointment for hardcore fans. Probably the biggest problem with the game was the forced inclusion of co-op. I think co-op is a function that really found it's re-emergence during the XBOX years. Again, I'm referring to co-op, not multiplayer. It kind of died out back in the N64 days, but it wasn't until Halo and Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory, which included a separate co-op campaign, really kicked off this renaissance of co-op. Anyway, I digress.

Welcome back, Mr. Zombie

Resident Evil is a franchise that has built itself off the premise of survival horror. RE4 really changed things by adding spiced-up flavors of action in the game, while still maintaining that element of suspense, gore, and thrills. The game had moments where it left you with little to no ammo, and kept you weeping like a scolded child in their dark, gritty, and blood-stained environments. But what was most important in the game was that Leon spent most of the time ALONE. This was ultimately my biggest gripe with RE5. There was too much focus on action and cooperation, and not enough on horror. The fact that you had a useless ally at your side, (I'm looking at you AI controlled Sheva) really killed the possibility of having any survival-horror moment.

After looking at the RE 6 trailer, I have many hopes, but many more reservations.

Lets get the good stuff out of the way. First, I'm glad we finally get to take control of Leon S. Kennedy again, and double THAT to the inclusion of Chris Redfield, who I strongly feel is the main protagonist of this franchise. It's the first time in the entire series that both characters are in the same game, and will finally cross paths. It leaves me excited like a hamster on coke over how these two characters will interact with each other.

One of the hopefully many dark, scary environments

The trailer also shows me that the franchise is looking to reconnect with its survival horror roots...especially when you look at the Leon scenes. He's apparently forced to live through another Raccoon City-like experience after a viral outbreak occurs at a place called Tall Oaks. Leon navigates fire-ravaged cities, dark, decrepit forest areas, and dank, water-dripped tunnels a-la '28 Days Later.' It really seems like the developers are really trying to go back to their horror roots, and I'm all for it. In fact, I hope they lay it on me thick like an STD from the Great Depression.

By far the most impressive part for me was the re-emergence of the classic zombies. For the last two games Capcom has decided to bench the shuffling corpses for faster, smarter, parasitically infected enemies, known as las plagas. Although it was a welcome change to have during my RE4 experience, it grew stale when RE5 came around. By just glancing at the new trailer, it seems the developers are really going for a middle-ground with these zombies, having them run, jump, and try to chomp out chunks of human flesh as they attack you in large groups. Initiate nerd-boner...

Didn't they tell you Sheva? I work alone

Now, I have some concerns. For starters, the game will once again feature partner/co-op systems. According to the press release for the game, "RE6 will feature both single and cooperative gameplay." If this is the case, I certainly hope that Capcom makes the co-op aspect it's own separate story. I've been a strong proponent in saying that the Resident Evil franchise is best experienced alone. If you're navigating a dark and treacherous tunnel with nothing else but a 16-round clip in your gun, congratulations, you've made the encounter that much more pulse-pounding. On the flip side, if you're trying to navigate that same tunnel with a partner at your side, asking you whether you've got enough herbs to last through this next encounter, the tension is gone. This was what killed RE5. Although it was fun to have a co-op inclusion to the game, I really wanted to experience the story from Chris Redfield's own eyes, without Sheva telling me her sob-story every 5 minutes. Case in point, Capcom can get the most out of this game if they make the main story a single-player experience, with a side-branch 'supporting story' that can be experienced via online/offline co-op.

Who the hell am I?!?!

Another concern I have with this trailer is the unknown third character who pals with the President's daughter Ashley Graham. Why they decided to bring back Ashley from RE4 is beyond any logic. She was one of the single-most useless characters in the series; always getting into trouble, and never being able to defend herself properly. After watching this trailer, she's apparently teamed up with some unknown third character, who resembles so many recent video game protagonists. The faded haircut, furrowed eye-brow, grizzled 5-o-clock shadow; we've seen this characater resembled in games like Infamous, Force Unleashed, Desmond from Assassin's Creed, etc., and that's not my biggest problem. In all the scenes featuring this mysterious, playable character, the action level is completely over the top. The dude is hanging off helicopters, plummeting hundreds of feet only to make a safe landing, running away from a Tyrant-esque baddie...it's a bit too much emphasis on the action part of the franchise, which I'm not terribly excited about. The only way I would accept this kind of behavior is if this third character ends up being HUNK. The Umbrella mercenary first made his appearance as a supplemental mission in RE2, where he had to race against the clock to recover the G-Virus and then return to the escape chopper within 20 minutes. He's made appearances in other RE games as a playable extra character in the "mercenary' missions, but that's about all the face-time he's had. To put it into perspective, he's always been revered by gamers as the "true badass" of the series, so I think it'd be nice to have him in the lead-role for a change.

This floor could use an ass-scrubbing, I guess

Other worries I have are the over-abundant scenes which show cover based mechanics. Leon is jumping and sliding across the ground, shooting up at zombies, acting all cool and shit, while Chris sprints up to a stack of sandbags to slide and take cover, and pop-out shots against the enemies. As for the third dude, well, hes all over the place. The cover-based system in RE 5 felt more like a gimmick, and was so wonky to control that it frustrated gamers more than aiding them.

Speaking of controls, one of the biggest complaints people have about the RE franchise are its 'tank' controls, where you have to stop, take aim, shoot, and put your weapon down in order to run again. I've personally never had as big a problem with it as other gamers, but I think with the way third-person shooters have been evolving, it'd be nice to see a run and gun mechanic included. From looking at the trailer there's no one moment where I saw a character running and gunning, but I have a good feeling that the franchise will finally get the upgrade many gamers have been asking for years. I used to think adding this kind of a mechanic would ruin the tension aspect of the game, but Dead Space proved to me that you can still have survival horror while turning up the action intensity with an aim and walk mechanic.

Yes...I am a badass.

In my final thoughts, the RE6 trailer did what it set out to do: excite the balls out of me. I'm very pleased to see Leon and Chris in the same game, and am glad they're bringing back both the zombies AND horror aspect of the game. Having said that, I was a bit disappointed to see the overdone action moments, especially where Chris is involved. You can probably argue that his scenes looked more Rainbow Six-ish, than Resident Evil-ish. And just for the record I've always been a bigger Chris Redfield fan than Leon, considering Chris was there for the Mansion incident, and had the most at stake in fighting an asshole like Albert Wesker. In RE5 he didn't get his due credit, always seeming more like a victim, getting thrown around, punched, dragged, etc. I want to see Chris go back to his Code Veronica days, and totally own up the place.

Excuse me, could you point to me to the monsters?

In any case, Capcom has got me by the figurative balls with their new trailer. I'm a die-hard Resident Evil fan and can't wait to see what kind of shenaniganz they're going to put us through with their latest iteration. All I can hope for is a game that follows a similar model as Dead Space, and keeps the co-op as a separate piece of the game. If that's the case, then it should pave the way for the ultimate RE experience. And can you believe it??? The frickin game comes out this year in November!!! E3 seems like an eternity away.

See you 11/20/2012 Bitches!!!