Paul W.S. Anderson = The Destroyer

Resident Evil Movies Continue to Fail Upwards

Excuse me Milla? May I borrow your shotgun for a moment?

God it never ends. I'm not sure what to be more peeved about; the fact that Hollywood is milking 3D until it's supple teet is bone dry, or the fact that yet another film based on one my most beloved video game franchises continues to insult me like an elementary school bully stealing my milk money. "Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D" is the fourth installment of the treacherous Resident Evil movie franchise, and now it seems the film is picking up steam in it's marketing campaign as Screen Gems (the film's production studio) is releasing clips of the film in anticipation of its September 10th release. The footage your about to see may be too graphic for your nerdism.




Resident Evil: Afterlife Exclusive Clip

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

The Executioner Majini from Resident Evil 5

Are you ok? Did your skull turn to liquid goo after watching those two clips? Mine did. Once again the unholiest of Hollywood's residents Paul W.S. Anderson has tainted the film adaptation with his wildly irrelevant interpretation of the Resident Evil games. For anyone who may have played the games, you'll know that the series is known for its relentless build up of tension, and it's pitch perfect delivery on thrills and scares. Over time, the games have matured, and have slowly delved into a more action oriented nature, but that's another issue for another blog entry. The point is, the Resident Evil gaming franchise was all about isolation and survival horror, not John Woo style Kung Fu cinematics. Every Resident Evil film to date has clearly missed the mark in capturing what made the games so damn fun to play.

I got these knee pads for $5 at Sports Authority

Clearly from looking at the cinematography and direction of the latest film, it's borrowing heavily from the fifth game in the franchise. The film features the mutated zombies, the executioner Majini with the large axe, and the inclusion of both Chris Redfield, and a T-Virus filled Albert Wesker. But what Hollywood didn't realize is that Resident Evil 5 was the weakest of the series. Why? Because the game veered too far off from its roots of isolation, fear, and tension. The game added a co-op partner named Sheva, who took away the isolation from the game...and was just plain annoying as a character. Sure the game was a commercial success, but the story didn't satisfy long-time Resident Evil fans, and the gameplay was radically different from its predecessors. I just wish franchises would learn to evolve from their successful formula rather than try something completely different. Of all the games in the series, the one with the perfect blend of tension, horror, isolation, and action was none other than Resident Evil 4. It was a story about one man versus a harrowing and ruthless army of mutated creatures, and that was the epitome of what I consider a Resident Evil game. The movie on the other hand looks like it's trading survival horror for action-adventure, which doesn't make sense. It's like a Jewish kid going to a Catholic school. You have to ask why?

Albert Wesker...Gangsta

I will now use this paragraph to vent about specific grudges I hold with the film franchise:

#1 Characters from the game are not the main characters in the film.
#2 Milla Jovovich has supernatural abilities, is one of a thousand clones, and knows too much slow-mo kung-fu.
#3 The films have progressively become their own universe rather than the universe created by the game's narrative.
#4 Nemesis does Karate.
#5 Mike Epps was cast as an unnecessary comic relief.
#6 Main character Carlos Oliveira from the third Resident Evil game is killed off in the third movie.
#7 Paul W.S. Anderson created these films...Remember people, this is the guy who created "Event Horizon" which just ended up being a film about a blood orgy on a spaceship.

Couldn't have said it better myself

There are probably many other gripes that I can't remember off the top of my head, but I'd like to keep myself from punching a hole through my laptop.

Anyway, like most of the country, I will watch this movie. Before you ask me why, here are a couple of things you should know. First, I want to be able to see just how badly this franchise will be butchered. Second, I really like that they are including both Chris Redfield and Albert Wesker in the film, but again, I want to see how Anderson will destroy this. And thirdly, I probably won't pay to see this film. Wink, Wink, thank you high seas of internet piracy. I just hope that movie-goers understand that just like books, games are much better than their movie counterpart.